I'm not the kind of person who goes out looking for signs or omens or portents. I generally consider myself a skeptic. But sometimes, a specific occurrence will set off such a profound gut reaction that I can't help but sit up and take notice. The strongest of these have had to do with birds, and the most unforgettable have had to do with my pregnancies. A sparrow hit our window and I was instantly sure that I was pregnant with our first son. The hawk came in the window last fall and I was instantly sure that I would be pregnant very very soon.
Tonight, after weeks of worry and panic about the safety of my little hawk baby, we came home to another red tailed hawk visitor on our roof. This one was all strength and fearlessness, standing over a carcass and boldly staring right back at me. He was just a few feet from the window, and was wholly unperturbed by my presence. It was amazing. Of course, as fate would have it, my camera's battery was dead. So, sorry no pictures.
I'd had another ultrasound this afternoon which, while not being fully reassuring, at least didn't present any more obvious concerns. But standing by my open bathroom window tonight watching that hunter bird, with all of my inconclusive and worrisome test results buzzing in my brain, I felt calm. I still feel that calm, like this baby is going to be just fine. Needless to say, it's a welcome and beautiful respite.
Now, back to bed rest. Because no amount of stunning auspicious visits will make me take any unnecessary risks, after all.
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